that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
