a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
