my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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