i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
