So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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