in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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