remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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