I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
North Korea, Best Korea!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
