the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
