i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
