the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
