Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
