What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
