My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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