Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
