Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
