im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
