i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
