somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
