she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize