in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm passing your future prison.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
