so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
