"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
