I think my fart just growled at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
