Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
