i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
