Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think your dad took our porno
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
