ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found the puke drawer
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
