I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
