When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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