i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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