I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
