do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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