You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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