She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize