i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
