stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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