He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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