Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
