the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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