I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
