I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I intend to get homeless drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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