I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize