I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she told me i tasted like america
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
