Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
