i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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