Do vagina's smell?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
