if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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