I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
