oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
