there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
