If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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