This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
