forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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