me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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