all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
