something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
