Where did you get a picture of my penis
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
