turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
