Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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