I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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