why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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