unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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