I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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