Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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