i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
