Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize