talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
