PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
