I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
