Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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