My first STD was from a foam party
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
being pregnant is like rehab
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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