I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
