This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
