Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
