Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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