You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
